Cast:
• Director – Passionate but easily frustrated filmmaker
• Camera Person – Eager but struggling to get the director’s attention
• Johnny – The unfortunate victim of the moose
• Johnny’s Mother – Dramatic and easily overwhelmed
Stage Setup
• Director and Camera Person are center stage.
• Johnny starts off stage left.
• Johnny’s Mother is standing stage left (inside the imaginary house).
Scene 1: The First Take
(The director is shooting the final scene of the movie.)
Director: Alright, final scene—this is the big one! Let’s make it count!
Camera Person: (holding the camera, adjusting settings) Uh, Director, I really need to tell you—
Director: (ignoring) PLACES, PEOPLE!
Camera Person: But—
Director: NOT NOW! (turns dramatically) And… ACTION!
(Camera Person starts filming.)
(Johnny stumbles on stage, clutching his chest, dazed. He staggers dramatically and collapses onto the floor.)
Johnny’s Mother: (shrieking, overly dramatic) OH NOOOO! JOHNNY, MY BABY!
(She kneels beside him, wailing.)
Director: (jumps up) CUT! CUT! That didn’t work at all!
Camera Person: Director, I really need to—
Director: Later! That was just… lifeless. We need more! MORE EMOTION! (claps hands) Okay, PLACES!
Scene 2: The Over-the-Top Take
Director: (waving wildly) I want it bigger! More drama! Make me FEEL something!
Camera Person: (muttering) Oh, you’re gonna feel something, alright…
Director: And… ACTION!
(The scene plays out again, but now everything is ridiculously dramatic.)
• Johnny’s Mother gasps like she’s in an old soap opera, flailing her arms.
• Johnny stumbles into the house as if he’s been hit by a freight train, spinning in circles before collapsing.
• Johnny’s Mother faints onto Johnny’s unconscious body.
• Camera Person zooms in and out dramatically, getting way too close for comfort.
(After an exaggerated, drawn-out sob session, the scene ends.)
Director: CUT! No, no, no. That was too slow! Let’s do it FASTER!
Scene 3: The Variations
(The cast now performs the scene in multiple absurd styles, as directed.)
1. Speed Run – Johnny bursts through the door, gets hit by the moose immediately, and collapses in under five seconds.
2. Pirates – Johnny is now a pirate, and the moose is a mythical sea beast. His mother mourns in a dramatic pirate accent.
3. Kung Fu – Johnny and the moose engage in slow-motion battle before he stumbles into the house.
4. Western – The moose is now a wild stallion, and Johnny collapses while his mother dramatically tips her imaginary cowboy hat.
5. Musical – Every line is sung, including Johnny’s final dramatic “I’ve been hit by a mooo-oooooo-se!”
6. Silent Film – The actors mime everything while dramatic piano music plays.
7. Sitcom – A laugh track plays when Johnny gets hit by the moose.
8. Star Wars – The moose is now Darth Moose, and Johnny is struck down by the dark side.
(After multiple ridiculous takes, the Director finally nods approvingly.)
Director: CUT! That was it! PERFECT! That’s a print!
(Everyone cheers.)
Camera Person: (finally, yelling) DIRECTOR!
Director: (groaning) WHAT?! You’ve been bothering me this whole time!
Camera Person: (sheepish) Uh… there’s no film in the camera.
(Dramatic pause.)
Everyone Else: WHAT?!
(Entire cast chases the Camera Person offstage as the lights fade.)
Final Notes:
• Encourage improvisation – Let actors have fun with the different variations.
• Physical comedy – The moose hit, Johnny’s stumbling, and dramatic reactions should be exaggerated.
• Fast pacing – Keeps the humor tight and energetic.
• Audience participation – If the Director asks for a new style, be prepared for audience suggestions.
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